World Race 2007 The Adventures of Andrew Maas - Changing Perspectives

Memoirs of a Semi Content Ex-Racer

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I sit down on my couch and turn on my TV. I lift up my bowl of granola and yogurt, while sipping down my freshly made smoothie of ice, fruit and juice. I can't help but think to myself, this is nice. I am comfortable. I don't have anywhere to be; I have nowhere to go.

I prop up my computer; check my email, and for some reason mosey on over to the world race blogs. To be honest for 3 months I have all but avoided them, not because I don't care, but simply because I can't read them. There is something embedded deep within me that knows that I am missing out on great adventures, great lives being changed, and seeing the miracles of God. And it is just easier to avoid them.

I click out and focus instead on who went home on American Idol, no big surprise there I think to myself. I turn windows media player on and shuffle through my songs. Some annoy me, some are all right and then there are the ones that seem to be a soundtrack to my life. You know the ones that take you back to a memory, a time when something sticks out.

There is the one I remember listening to over and over again, as I sat on a concrete floor in Mexico. I am sleeping next to all my teammates in one big open room. The smells, the feelings all flood my mind. I remember the hard ships the good times. I remember the laughter and the joy of the little kids that would steal my stuff and never leave me alone. Not to mention the morning runs to our porcelain toilet, in an outhouse that had to be bucket flushed. I think of the times I preached and I will never forget the teary walk home after our last night together.

I click back over to the world race site and watch a video of a group climbing a volcano. Instantly I remember myself climbing that same volcano, I can see different parts just like it was yesterday. Another flash another instant, all gone, all just memories. I feel a slight twinge in my heart. Did I really live there? Did I really do that? Was I really a part of something so radical, so different?

Am I missing that or yearning to go back? The question continually feels my mind, but I feel so content now, I feel for the first time in my life that I am in a place where I am suppose to be. I am fulfilling a bigger dream, a vision you could say. But I think sometimes the problem comes because a vision and a dream are not happening right now.

All my years of travel, of seeing the world always left me unfulfilled. But somehow in the middle of those unfulfilling days of travel, searching, trying to find the answers I finally did.

I am not sure when it happened or how it really did, all I know is that I finally know where I am heading. You see the difference is easy. Not once in 6 years of missions and travel did I ever feel content or that this is it. I wrote a blog halfway through that was titled "Being a missionary doesn't make you closer to God it just makes you farther from home." It was kind of funny except for the fact of how true it was.

There were so many times when I would be serving God and feel so far from Him. The problem that was occurring was I had made the search my ending point, each location was all I had; that was my vision. I would have vision prior to everywhere we went, but once I arrived it all ended. I lost what I was working towards, what I was fighting against. I lost my joy.

Perhaps in a way it was spiritual, perhaps my contentment now comes from my lack of involvement in ministry, my lack of helping others. I get up go to work come home and I am happy. I have joy, peace all the things that supposedly mean we are where we are suppose to be. I mean isn't that what we are always taught. We pray that God would give us peace and then that is how we would magically know which direction we are suppose to be going in, but what about all the rough times was that not where we were suppose to be.

So now I am confused, is it contentment and peace where we are suppose to be, or is no peace, no joy and trying anything in the world to get out of a situation the way to go. Now lets really dig into this because I think we may be getting somewhere.

This question really sticks out because in both situations I felt like I was doing what God wanted me to do.

I will be the case study.

Here is my story. I was a missionary in every sense of the term. I did mission work and went to a lot of different countries, 20 something to be approximate. Over the course of 6 years on and off I was involved in many different kinds of missions. I learned about missions, did evangelism, preached the gospel, handed out tracks, handed out food, built churches, built houses, unloaded cargo off of ships, helped with medical clinics, took thousands of pounds of food, clothing and relief supplies to needy countries, fasted, prayed, healed people, saved people, helped people with daily needs, helped orphans, started an orphanage, preached in prisons, clothed the naked, fed the hungry even gave water to little children all in Jesus name. I look back and did not find much joy in any of it. In fact it was hot, miserable and I am sure my attitude was not that of Jesus a majority of the time. And most of the time I was not content, there. Most of the time I actually dreaded each day. I really did not find that much joy in helping these people. Does that mean I was out of God's will. I don't know. ( There were times I was happy, content, joyous, and satisfied, but I would say it was a rarity.)

I remember someone once saying if you want to do God's will then do the will of God, ok that is easy. I did all of that. But my prayer life was horrible. I treated those around me poorly. I had a terrible attitude. And I found myself wanting to be done with it.

Flash-forward, here I am back in America. I live in a nice house, drive a nice car, my prayer life is great. I treat those around me fantastic. I love going to work and selling menial things such as cars, and now credit card machines. I find satisfaction in that. I go shopping for myself and in a way I am consumed with the comforts of American life. I am going back to school and can't wait to get my degree in business so I can in turn find new ways in order to help people. Why does all this stuff, that doesn't at all seem like Gods will, somehow will in turn bring satisfaction and contentment? I thought that only came when we were doing what we were suppose to be doing.

Oh the mystery gets deeper doesn't it? Does that mean that for 6 years of doing everything that is biblical, and serving God in all those ways? Was I wrong, out of God's will? Did I miss the boat so to speak? Was I really destined to do menial sales jobs and live a nice American lifestyle? I mean all right if that is the case.

But then I start to think. What if life really is a spiritual battle? What if the will of God does not really bring about peace, satisfaction, contentment and joy? Now I am in no means saying that some people do not get all those. This is just my story, one case in a million. So I think to myself what if the whole time I was on the field I was destined for more and the forces of evil came against me. Was I prepared for that? Nope. I thought that once we left and went out to serve we didn't have to fight the battles anymore. Wrong. I am just starting to see that maybe being on the field I was in a constant battle, thus the reason, I could not pray, thus the reason I could not get along with my team, thus the reason I did not want to help people or do anything for that matter.

Maybe that is why doing menial jobs brings such joy, I am not in any battle. I have ceased to be a threat and I have joined into the stagnancy of life. I mean I don't think any demon is going to try and stop me from selling a credit card machine. In fact I am kind of helping to feed the monster. YIKES!!!

But then again there have been the times since being back that I have cried out to God what do you want me to do and He continually tells me to keep doing what I am doing.

I guess at the end of the day, the will of God is not dependant upon my feelings. Maybe the peace we all want the contentment we all strive for is simply when we stop fighting for something more. It is easy to find contentment when we are not stirring the pot. I am sure I will keep heading in the direction God has me on. I know it is for a reason and I really can't wait to see what is ahead.

That is the part of the journey I love the unknown, the unexpected. I love living by faith and just trusting that whatever I am doing is what God has for me. I am not too concerned with my feelings.

I went to a small group tonight and we talked about learning to live in our spirit and not in our soul or flesh. I need to learn to walk in that. To often my flesh doesn't want to fight it doesn't want to do anything but be comfortable.

So to those of you on the field, suffering from persecution, anger, hatred, jealousy, uncontentment, no joy, and no peace. That really has nothing to do with what you are to be doing or not, it does mean you are in a battle and better get some prayer warriors praying for you. And to those of you back in America. Joy, contentment, peace, and happiness do not necessarily mean you are exactly where you need to be.

The only thing that matters is that you listen to the voice of God, walk out your faith with fear and trembling, if you are happy and content, rejoice, and pray to see if you are missing something. If you are being persecuted, rejoice and pray to see if you are missing something. Don't get caught up that somehow our fleshly emotions and feelings should somehow be the indicators of which way to go.

Perhaps I am caught somewhere between the two, but one thing I do know is its about time I start doing a little something that causes the other side to perk up, because this easy life is not really what we were called to now is it.

Home and Searching for Whats Next!

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Hey all I have been home now for nearly a month. We finished up in China and had a wonderful time there of working with different students and making friends. It was a wonderful experience of culture and learning more about the chinese church and what is going on there.

Since being home I have been through an array of emotions. I have been extremely down and depressed, wondering whats next. Dealing with the loss of so many friendships and the low of no more anticipation of what's next.

I found a job delivering some furniture out west and so I headed off for a roadtrip across the country, hopefully to find myself and what would come next for me. I left from South Dakota loaded up with an old train bell and headed off first to Iowa where I would pick up a vanity. I picked up my friend Hannah on the way in Colorado and headed out to San Diego where we were delivering a vanity.

On the way we saw the wonder of the Grand Canyon and the beautiful landscape of Arizona and the desert of California. While in San diego we got to hang out with Morgan and my friend Susannah who also graciously let us stay with her on Coronado Island. We delivered the vanity and got to meet a great guy who also loves to travel and is a fireman for Palm Springs.

We drove up to Los Angeles and got to see some old friends from a past ministry I was involved in called Friendships. They have recieved a yacht that they are in the process of renovating for the ministry. We dropped off the Train Bell and headed back home. On the way back we saw some of the most amazing landscape I have ever seen in Zion National park in Utah, and the Colorado National Monument. It is amazing how much beauty lies all around us. There is something that speaks to my soul when I am in nature and can see God's creativity lived out so beautifully.

On the way back home I listened to numerous sermons and they seemed to really speak to me. That coupled along with all the alone processing time I got while driving nearly 100 hours in a couple weeks. And the wonderful conversations with Hannah that stretched across the miles. I started to shape out goals for my future and what I want out of life.

One quote that stuck out was an age old question that we have all asked for years. "What does God want me to do with my life?"

The Quote I loved from Erwin Mcmanus was "Live your life so that even if you fail you still succeed."

In other words we need to stop running around waiting for God to tell us exactly what to do or where to go or what direction to take. Instead we need to focus in on the will of God. What does God call us to do. He calls us to help the poor, love the orphans, bring lost people to him.

If all of us would in some way shape or form live our lives in these ways we never have to wonder whether or not we are in God's will. Becuase our lives will consistently be in tune with what God has for us. And even if you somehow fail in serving the poor you still succeed because you are serving the poor, so in all actuality it is a win, win.

So as for me my future is still a little undetermined. I will more than likely go back to school to get my business degree. I have a dream and a vision to couple business with missions and finding new ways to radically change the way we view missions. I will just take one day at a time, trying to love those around me and be the Will of God to the people I see everyday. Finding new ways to serve the poor, love the orphans and bring lost people to God. Hopefully I'll see you all along the way:)

Finishing up Cambodia Heading to China

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

The time has come to once again move on from another country. Cambodia was a pretty stable month for me nothing to great and nothing to hard to work through. Our ministry for the most part was working with the university students doing bible studies every night of the week. On the weekends we got the chance to head out into rural cambodia to visit different projects and churches out there. It was a great chance to bond with the guys we had been working with all month and to see where they were from. I also got the chance to head to the slums one day and see and minister to some different people there.

The last few days of the month, Ryan and I headed up to a province in the west near thailand to search out some ministry contacts for the june and september racers. We ended up going to a couple orphanages way out in the middle of nowhere. We got the old oh its about an hour and 2 and a half hours later we arrived at the first destination. It was great to see theses churches and orphanages getting involved in their communities and all of them had substantial growth in the house church movement. It was also a time to see how much I love setting things up for teams. Going forth and seeing things first and being able to meet and talk to all sorts of people.

At the end we headed to debrief in Siem Reap the home of hundreds of ancient temples, the most famous being Angkor Wat, in the running for one of the wonders of the world. It was fascinating to get the chance to go and see such amazing structures. It is so crazy the time and skill it took to build such massive and intricate buildings.

We are getting ready to head to China tommorrow. We have no idea what we will be doing yet as some of it can not be broadcasted across the internet. I will let you know as much as I can when I can. Please pray for us as we head off into this closed country. I am really looking forward to this amazing opportunity to be a blessing to the people there. And to learn from them.

Seriously looking for answers in Vietnam

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We have been in Vietnam for a day now. We came here from cambodia on a visa renewal trip. We were so close to Vietnam we thought we would come check it out. Today we went for a boat cruise on the Mekong river. We saw the river and the way a lot of the people live and make money.

On the way back from the trip I ended up sitting by a local vietmanese guy. He was 23 and a tour guide. He had led a tour with one of the other groups, but he was riding home with us. He had moved away from his family at the beach which he went on to tell me was perhaps the most beautiful place in the world. As far as i know he is right, maybe i will be left to find out one day. Maybe I won't that is kind of the mystery of life, the unknown the wondering, will I ever get to see this beach that i have pictured in my mind. The picture that is so vague but yet present.

We talked of the war and who was right, maybe who was on whose side. I went to the war museum yesterday, I am still haunted by the images that were displayed. Images of peoples faces being burned off,

a baby deformed stuck in a jar out on display the effects of chemical warfare

bodies hanging limp in soldiers arms,

People being tortured

I Walked to the back of the museum to the place where they showed the torture cells and the prison as well as a guiottine.

Just standing in the same room as that thing sent shivers down my spine. I left the museum in a way ashamed of being an American. I was ashamed to say I in a small way was part of all of that. A man immediatly outside the gate asked where I was from. I told him America. I stopped the thought in my mind. Do I really want people here to know where I come from? I asked myself truly questioning it in my mind.

My new friend on the bus assured me they love Americans, Well at least the non communist south. Our tour guide also happened to fight alongside the Americans in the war. He thanked us continunly for coming to their aid. For coming to stand beside them when they needed it the most. In a way I felt better knowing that. I liked knowing that we had come to help. Whether right or wrong I am not here to decide. I don't know what call I would make, I am not a big fighter. I do not like to see death or destruction. I do not want to be a part of anything that does.

I came home and watched a movie that happened to be on tv called Lords of War. It was about an arms dealer that sold weapons, guns and ammo to all of the different conflict zones around the world. To africa to the middle east it didn't matter what the guns were being used for, what mattered was he was making money. To everyone else it didn't make sense. How can you give guns to people you know are going to kill millions of innocent people, he simply replied. It is not my fight.

He then said, "I have heard a quote Evil Prevails where good men fail to stand. But i say Evil Prevails."

In a world but more closely in a country filled with destruction and lust abounding all around. It is hard to say good prevails and that in the end good will win. I get so lost in it all, I get lost in trying to figure out what the heck is going on. I can sum it all up I am sure with some pretty little cliche found so nicely nestled on so many christians tongues, the little sayings like God is in control, or God will make it all work out for Good. I am sorry, but you try telling that to a guy missing half his body parts and pulling himself across a street. You tell that to a guy whose face is melted off. Or a small kid who has seen his whole family raped and savagely killed in front of his eyes and then forced at gunpoint to go and kill innocent people day after day, before he knows it he is a killer, not by choice, but by force.

You tell that to a young girl stuck in a sex trafficking ring handcuffed to a bed in a windowless room as men after men do what they want with her and soon she is thrown out or dies of aids. It is so easy to turn a blind eye. I do it day after day, maybe in a way it is how we all cope. I see it day after day after day. Unimaginable poverty, death, disease, needs that no one should have to bear. People killing people, hatred running wild. I sit and watch my little comedic movies on tv and eat what I want as I fall asleep on my nice bed in my air conditioned room, I may get upset because i have to get up early to go on a tour and the bus doesn't have enough leg room.

I ran into two little girls selling flowers on the street. They were so cute so innocent they reminded me of my sisters. They reminded me that these little girls are humans. They are probably being used and extorted, so i have the choice buy from them and keep them being extorted or not and they may not eat. We talk to them for awhile they laugh and smile and take pictures with us, and act like any little girl would. And my heart breaks for them. So much pain surrounds us.

I feel like a pebble in the middle of a desert, dry and useless tossed around by every current of wind going by. I maybe find a piece of something that seems to have purpose so I stick to it only to be tossed along again. I need to find some water I tell my little pebble self, you see only through the water can a single pebble turn into something worth using. You see when a pebble interacts with water and other pebbles that pebble can then turn into one of the many wonders of the world. Mud. Only when dry pebbles come together through the wonder of water can they complete the task at hand. You can't build a mud hut with one pebble and you can't even do it with a bunch of pebbles they will all fall down, you need water to unite you.

All year we have constantly been talking about the One. It is not about changing the world. It is about saving the one who will then in turn save the one and so on and so on and before you know it the world is saved. Maybe it just takes a step back a step into the darkness a step into the eyes of a war ravished nation full of hurt and pain to realize that life is bigger than my dry little pebble self and its time to come together and be filled with the water and unite with my peers and change this world one mud hut at a time.

Sometimes I get amazed with how stuff I write comes out. I think because sometimes I read it back and say what in the world does any of that even mean. Like the whole mud pebble cliche story, that sounds so wonderful in theory. I really wish we could all change and unite and fix the problems, but Am I really changed probably not. I mean sure I feel bad now, but tommorrow will come and the comforts of my life and my wants will more than likely over shadow the needs of others and the hurts that so often grip them. I really wish I knew the answer to that riddle. I wish just for a moment We really could come together, we really could change things. Maybe I am being pessimistic, but it is hard when I am living in it. I am living in this radical thing called the world race. I am living in this thing that is suppose to change me and in turn change the world. And sometimes I feel even more hardened then i was when I began. Maybe it is seeing everything over and over again that makes me shut down. I have the moments where I really believe we can make a difference and then I look at myself and realize I really don't care all that much. So what is the answer. Please do tell me what you think, because I am at a loss. I have been roaming the world hoping to find the answers to fix the problems and all I think I really end up finding is more problems and less solutions. And I think the worst part about all this is that I am not really that distressed about it. I know all the hurts of the world I have seen it all and here I sit on a computer in my hotel in Vietnam as the city around me remains hurting and loss. And so I wait, for answers to the complexities before me.

Cambodia Update

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We have been in Cambodia now for a couple of weeks. We are working with a ministry called Hope Education Center. Hope Education Center was started by Pastor Chay. He felt God calling him to open up a dorm for people that were in financial need. He now has over 100 students that live in his giant house. Every night of the week there is some sort of opportunity for the students to grow spiritually. A large majority of the students here are not Christians. We have been going in every night of the week and teaching the bible to the different groups. It has been a pleasant experience other than trying to figure out what to teach for an hour and a half every night. One of the best parts is that most of the students speak very good English. This gives us the opportunity to communicate with them without having to go through a translator.

Today we got the opportunity to head out into a rural village and see what life was like. We went to a Christian's house, the only one in the village we were told. And we shared our testimonies with them and then went for a walk around the village. It was neat to see the different architechture and buildings that are mostly on stilts. Also it was neat to see all of the ground pretty much covered in water with rice growing in it. There are narrow little walking paths all the way through them. The province we were in is also known for its weaving. Almost every house we went to had a huge loom and they were weaving Vietnamese silk for skirts and other things. It was fascinating to see.

Cambodia in a lot of ways is growing, but they are coming out of a tough last 20 or 30 years. They have been absolutely devasted by war and a evil regime the Khmer Rouge. The Khmer Rouge is responsible for mass genocide and killing millions of innocent people. We took a tour of one of their prisons and the killing fields. The killing fields still have bones and clothes sticking up out of the ground where they would just throw all of the bodies after they executed them. It is crazy to think all that went on just a few years back.

But the Cambodian people will light up your life. They are always willing to show you a smile or lend a helping hand. It has been a pleasure meeting so many wonderful people here and getting the chance to share Jesus with them.

Getting sent to a Thailand Prison!

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I cringed as the big metal doors slammed behind me. The guard was silent as he led me down a dark hall to another set of doors. The door was covered in locks. I knew this was there to keep people inside and would by no means be an easy attempt at ever escaping.

What had I done to get here? I sure have made some stupid mistakes, but prison? I was not a hardened criminal I didn't belong here. I kept telling myself, but reality was I was there and there was no turning back. The door had been locked behind me and there was no getting out until I had served my time.

Luckily I was only there on mininstry!!!

Monday I found myself along with Mark, Charlotte and our Translator. We were at a drug rehabilitation prison that was quite an amazing estabalishment. We where there to work alongside Charlotte who would be teaching an art class there. Her students were working on oil paints and were painting a bowl of fruit.

The prison itself was amazing. It was only people that were involved in getting arrested for drugs and they wanted to offer them away to get clean and when released have things they were able to do. So there were many different programs in the prison. There was an education department and industrial departments. They had agricultural departments. One of the Ex-prisoners that went back with us another day told me when he was in there he had studied to be an electrician and a hair stylist as well as getting his high school degree and learning english. It was beautifully landscaped with little ponds and rivers, flowers and banana trees. We spent most of the time in the art department where people had done all different kinds of artwork from painting to clay to cement.

I got the chance to share with two different groups. The first group was made up of some Christians that were in the prison. They had come to know the Lord through the Prison Choir Outreach. This is another fascinating thing Christian Prison Ministry does. They pull people from all the different prisons and give them the opportunity to be in a choir. The choir actually does very big performances in the cultural center in Bangkok. They are also heavily supported from the Government. Also through this program they have seen a significant amount of people become Christians.

There were four Christians and I shared with them about trusting in God and his provision. I then got the opportunity to share with the art students who were not Christian. I shared about my journey and searching in life. And how I had found Jesus to be the answer to that searching. It was an amazing opportunity to get to share the gospel with them.

The next day I went back to the prison with a team from Japan. We had about 100 people come for our time. The team sang songs and did a drama and shared testimonies. It is amazing how well the people responded. The team even evangelized the guard during lunch who was very open to the gospel. It is amazing how free it is to preach in Thailand in the prisons. I got to share with some english students on one of the other floors and meet them.

The next day we went to a juvenile detention center. Shawna from B Squad came along as well as Amanda Petersen an AIM staff member helping out the world race for a month. We went with the Japanese team again who shared in front of about a 100 teenagers the dramas and songs and gospel. We then broke off and were working with the Teenage prison choir that would be doing a concert on september 1st. We helped them with some of their english pronunciations from one of their songs.

It has been an amazing opportunity to be a part of this ministry even for only 3 days. It is amazing how much God is moving through this ministry. It was so fun to be able to go into the prisons and preach the gospel to non christians. Please pray for this ministry as they are working in 66 out of 120 prisons throughout Thailand. They are seeing huge harvests in many different prisons. In one womens prison they have seen a church spring up of around 500 women. It is really exciting.

Video- MEN-istry Part 1

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Men-istry into Man-istry Atling it in Bangkok

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I stepped off the bus and the heat and smell of the metropolis surrounded me. I stepped off into the smells and the sounds of a major metropolis. I was in Bangkok this time Alone. I left Man time, because for starters I really felt the Lord calling me to go to Bangkok and just trust in Him to get me a place to stay and a contact to do ministry with. We prayed about it as a group and despite most of the guys feeling not real great about the idea. We all decided that we would pray and leave it up to leadership if we got the go ahead then we would know that God was behind it. So we called and leadership said it was ok. So we went to the waterfall in the morning. It was one of the most breathtaking things I have ever seen in my life. It is a river made up of 7 huge waterfalls all about a mile in total apart. Then they dropped me off at the bus station and I arrived in Bangkok.

I had no idea where I was so I prayed the Lord would guide me and I hopped the first bus that came by. I rode that til it ended which conveniently was by the sky train that runs through the city and a internet cafe. I went to the internet and found a hostel that looked good. So I jumped on the sky train and ended up at my hostel. I decided to only get two nights there. I went to sleep.

This morning I was feeling a little like nothing was going to happen. Although I had only given it an hour I hadn't met anyone or anything. So I needed some jeans so I decided to go to the big weekend market. I should have known by the name that it would not be open on the weekday, so I got there and it was closed. I found an internet place close by and realized there were a couple hostels near there. I got directions and took off walking to find them. They were a lot farther away then I had planned. I finally found one and thought it was pretty nice, but decided to go check out the other one. I started walking again, but I was getting tired of walking. I started thinking I should get on a bus. So that was my new plan get on a bus. But no buses would stop for me, so I continued walking, by now I was hot and my legs were really tired. I kept going though. And I found the road I needed to keep going down but off to my right was a huge building that said Thailand Bible society I figured a bible society would have something to do with christianity so I went inside. The man behind the counter spoke English so I asked him if there were any churches or mission organizations nearby. He went to check with his boss who then got another guy and they sent another worker with me and we walked down this other road and ended up at this ministry called house of blessing.

I was greeted by a Thai and an American. It was kind of an awkward greeting because I was just standing in their office, and I stumbled through something like, Hi well I am here, and I am a missionary. Mark the American took me into a side office and explained the ministry to me. It turns out there were a few factors involved. They run a prison ministry and a halfway house for the men or women when they get out of prison, the do art classes at the prison and they have huge prison choirs that they do big productions with.

I asked if they needed any help and they said they did and that I could come along with them next week and see what they do. They then asked if I wanted to stay there at the mission site. I agreed and so I Will be staying there. Then Mark drove me back to his house at a mission complex. He brought me some fresh Ice Tea that was really good. I was there for about 15 minutes when his wife Charlotte came home. It turned out that another ministry bsc Baptist student something was having a program that night. Bsc is an english school. Where anyone can come and learn english and then groups go and talk chat with them during a break and ask them about God. IT is pretty cool. Anyways I went there and watched a magic show by roy another guy who works at the Prison ministry.

I watched that and then decided to head home. I jumped on a bus and headed out. I realized I had gotten on the wrong bus. I saw a bunch of neon lights down a road and thought oh that looks like fun. WRONG!! I soon realized after exiting the bus and walking down the road I had stumbled across a major Red light district with lots of clubs and girls running through the streets. I walked through the street which was not very long, but considering how much was going on it was way to long. I got to the end and went around the corner I found some stairs and sat down. I was just trying to process what on earth I had just walked through. It was weird it didn't leave me feeling anything but sad and perturbed. I saw men walk by, most looking sleazier than ever, a few would come by with beautiful Thai women. I was almost paralyzed. I got up after about 20 minutes. I walked back near the street and this guy stopped me to ask if I wanted a taxi ride. I told him no. He offered me a seat I sat next to him and he began asking me what I wanted. I soon realized that he meant in terms of a girl. I told him I was not interested and that what he was asking was bad. He then changed his tactics and told me he would take me to a place where the girls are good. I said I did not want any girls. He then said oh you like boys. I told him no I like girls, but I respect them and do not want to do anything bad with them. I asked him about his family and if he thought what was going on was wrong. He said he would have to leave his family for months to go to bangkok to make enough money and that he would from time to time get girls. I asked him if he would want his daughter doing it, he said it didn't matter because everyone needs money.. there is no other choice for work. It hurt. There was no reasoning, but the fact that they needed money and this was a way to get it. I talked a little about my faith and why I felt like what was going on was wrong, but I knew nothing was getting through to this guy, because he would consistently interupt me to ask me what I wanted. I left there and walked all the way home. It was a long way and my feet hurt, but I didn't care. I was fed up, I was trying to figure out what gets in peoples heads to go to such low extremes. It isn't all the sleazy people I passed, some looked like businessman, dads, sons, coaches, husbands, it grieves me. I hate the fact that people here think that every american is just interested in sex and I want to change that I want to just sit and talk to these girls, and let them know there are normal men out there. It is just one of thos things that there are no answers too. I am thankful there are people like Nightlight and the well that are girls are working with this month to reach out to these girls. And hopefully tonight for at least a couple of them won't end in heartbreak and being used.

MEN-istry Part 1 Goat Wranglin tree cutting and brush clearin

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We have officially begun what will be forever known as Menistry week. For two weeks 5 of the strongest most daring guys will convene upon Katchinaburi to do what men do. It is Jimmy from 61 Eric and Jake from Agapatos and James and myself from Salt. And we are all prepared to do Hard Manual Labor. We are working with a new Ywam base. Youth with a mission in case anyone was wondering. It is run by a Thai couple. Arun grew up in this village moved to bangkok where he did a Discipleship training school and met his wife Pang. They then moved back to the village and began the ministry.

They now have a church of about 15 people and we are helping to work on some projects. They are building some team houses. They also have a goat farm with about 300 goats and sheep where we helped to deworm all of them. Look forward to some amazing videos from our adventures. It could change your life.

Well all for now.

Asia at last!

Sun, 5 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We are in Thailand!!! We are getting ready to do some ministry here in the great kingdom of Thailand. We are splitting up from the girls for the month here. The girls are going to be working in the city of Bangkok doing some prostitute ministry and James and I are joining up with Jimmy, Jake and Eric Hansen to head out into the jungle to help with a church plant and construction projects.

I am really excited about the upcoming months here in Asia.

Despite frustrations, still being able to come alive

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Lord, we pray that you would take us to the church you would have us go to today."

We decided to go to a new town down the road to see if there was a church going on. We had no idea where the church was or if they had a service, but we were ready to find out. we pulled into the outer parts of the town of Nsubane. We saw a lady walking carrying a child on her back and another one walking beside her.

"Would you like a ride?" I asked her as I wound down my window. The dust from the road seemed to envelope the van. The town we were going to was set right below a gorgeous mountain range called the Lubombo Mountains. The range went all along the entire border of Swaziland creating breathtaking views.

"Yebo," the woman replied to me in SaSwati.

"Where are you going?" we asked her.

Through broken english and a lot of pointing we got her to say church. We asked if it would be alright if we went with her. She never really answered us so we just took that to be a yes. We drove through town over rocky roads down hills, up hills and found ourselves parked by a small stick and mud hut.

We got out of the van and walked up following our new friend that we gave a ride too. There was an older gentleman sitting there reading his bible and a young man who spoke some english.

"Have you come here to worship with us?" He asked us as a smile swept over his face.

I told him we had. The lady we brought and another lady grabbed some drums from inside the church and began to beat on them very loudly. I am sure it was to let the neighborhood know it was time for church. We all walked inside and took our shoes off at the door. They began to sing. It always amazes me how wonderful their harmonous songs sound. Then it became our turn to sing, not so beautiful, but I think they liked it none the less. The wife of the pastor spoke english and so she gladly interpreted for us. There were about 60 people crammed in our little church and there were probably about half men and half women which was shocking from every other country and church we had been too.

They went on and on at how thankful they were that we could be there together to worship God together. They asked us to share the word of God with them. I shared with them about how we are all part of the body of Christ and they are just as important as all of us. Then the other two pastors shared on my same subject and on their own from Jeremiah 13.

It was a fun truly african service. After the preaching the whole congregation danced around the pole in the center of the church. For 20 minutes they danced until they were out of breath or dizzy.

I went home and really prayed for them and what the Lord would want me to share with them. Wednesday night came and I really had nothing prepared but a scripture and some thoughts. I shared with them from Daniel 10. Daniel had been praying for 21 days for an answer from the Lord but had recieved nothing then finally when the answer came it turned out that the answer had been sent right away but the angel had been fighting a principality of darkness. The Lord wanted them to understand that God heard their prayers and the answers were on their way, but they were fighting strong opposition from satan. They really recieved it, when the pastors preached after me they all went off of it and really drilled home the word of the Lord.

I walked out of the church that night and looked up into a splendour of glory. The sky, the stars shined so bright and I smiled. I may not have all the answers or even make the right desicions a lot of the time. I don't spend as much time as I should in prayer or ready my bible. But yet the Lord still gives us the opportunity to be a part of his Kingdom to become alive even for just a moment. To be an avenue for the Lord to speak to His people. And in all reality there is no other place I would rather be.

When we were leaving they asked us to come back on wednesday night and for me to share the word of God with them again. I gladly accepted and off we went taking our new friend

Video- Grapefruit Ministry

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Being a Missionary doesn't make you closer to God it just makes you farther from home!

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Well our time in Swaziland as far as ministry goes has come to an end. I brought back half of the group this morning and the other half should be arriving soon. It has been a month of ups and downs.
It has had its moments of unbelief and its moments of "Get me outta here."

One thing that I have really learned this month and over the last 7 months is that being a missionary doesn't not at all make one more spiritual. There is no magical formula that the second you change locations automatically God just becomes real, and prayer times increase and the love of Jesus pours out to everyone around you. In fact I think it becomes harder to do all those things.

I still struggle with all the same things I did when I was in the states. I still find it hard to pray. I still find it hard to have mercy and compassion on all the sick and starving people around me. I think as time goes on my heart becomes harder instead of softer. Maybe the inital shock of poverty and pain has worn off. It has in a way just become a part of my life.

Being out on the field though certainly gives opportunity to move forward and to at any given time to say enough of this I am going to make a difference. I can wake up each morning and change someones life. I have the chance to preach in churches that may never have had an outsider come and share with them. I get to love a child that may never have known what love is. But even if I do all that, even if I have faith to move a mountain. None of it matters if I am missing love. First of all love for God. And second of all love for those around me. In a way ministry just becomes a job sometimes. The thing I do day after day. Sometimes I will go days forgetting to pray and read my bible. And finally I hit a wall and know it is because I have been failing to spend time with God. It is like a recurring cycle that I can't get out of. I wish I could I wish that magically my life would just want the things of God. It takes work. I don't know what to pray a lot of the times. I Don't know what to read most of the time so I am just left doing nothing. Idly passing away the time.

I guess I just want this to be a lesson of sorts. Don't go into missions to grow closer to God, that may become a byproduct of a life sold out, but it isn't a guarantee. Getting closer to God is a daily thing. Something that we need to constantly be striving for. The struggles that one has at home do not go away just because your on the field.

Swaziland ministry video

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Video - The Great Adventure Part 4 Lubombo Mt hike

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Not what I had planned, BUT I'll take it!!

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

The day started out in the usual way. Chasing thoughts inside my head of what I ought to do today. The plan was for me and a June Racer to take a young girl with a foot infection to the hospital. The information we got was not entirely accurate and so by the time we got the girl and I called to find out where to take her I realized it was a lot farther then I had planned. Actually about an hour and a half farther than I had planned. We ended up going to a place called Siteki pronounced Staggy. For some weird reason and part of the problem of miscommunication. I thought it was a completely different town. We took the public transportation combis or vans. And arrived at the hospital at about 2 aclock. We went and checked in the little girl whose name is Tandele.

I looked at the waiting room and went back to the receptionist and said "are all these people waiting." And she replied "YA"

I then said "So we have to wait until all these people see the doctor."

And the lady said, "Ya."

I at that point realized this was going to be a long day. And it was we waited and we waited. I kept an eye on the clock realizing that it was getting later and later. It is funny how sitting somewhere doing nothing still takes time. And so I finally realized that she was not going to see a doctor anytime soon and we would have to leave a half hour ago to get home before night. I immediatly sort of went into what am I going to do now mode. So I am thinking through possible scenarios. It would not be the best thing to travel in the dark, but it wouldn't be the worst thing. And the other option would be to find a place to stay and go back in the morning. We finally get to see the doctor at about 4:30 and the doctor says oh you need to see another doctor in another part of the hospital so we get a number and we go and sit in another waiting room. I now realize as I look at the 10 people in front of us, one with a broken foot another with who knows what. And I say we are not getting out of here ever. Finally we get into see the doctor at about 6;30 and we have to get an xray which puts us in another waiting room waiting for ever. WE are sitting around and I realize now that the doctor told us that we would have to come back in the morning no matter what. I now know that we have to find a place to stay. So I am running through options in my head when this women walks in. We have a brief hello and she goes up to check in a couple of patients. I over hear her talking and she mentioned she was a missionary. She was at the hospital because a truck full of workers from the farm had got into an accident and needed to be checked out. A light bulb goes on in my mind and I decide to go talk to her.

Her Dini and her husband Vieuws are missionaries from South AFrica. They had been in Swaziland for a couple of years working at a feeding scheme and school for about 250 kids. They also help out as the receptionists at a B&B called Mabuda Farms. I asked if she knew of a place to stay after telling her our whole situation and she says we can go and stay at the B&B. She was so helpful. Mrs Pons the owner of the B&B with her Husband Dr. Pons who is the Eye doctor at the hospital. Brought one of the other people that was in the accident in a little later. I went back with her to get everything situated and then Dini would bring the mother and the girl back after their XRay. Mrs Pons was so lovely and helpful. She went out of her way to make sure we had everything we needed. She gave us a basket full of food, eggs, bacon, bread, jam, yogurt, apples, oranges and we had tea and coffee. And she even gave us toothpaste .

The mother and the daughter came soon after and it was a little weird for them because they had never slept out of their house before. We had a wonderful meal. And it was amazing to see how the Lord had his hand on us the whole way through.

The next morning I went with Vieuws to see the ministry center where they have all the kids it was incredible. There was a team there of 65 from Orlando Florida and Capetown building a garden for the kids. So that was a great experience.

Tandele the little girl ended up having a infection from a nail that had spread to the bone and could have gotten really bad and spread up her leg. but we got the medicine and she should be fine.

Yesterday just to add to the Lords funny changing of plans. We had to go to a school meeting in the morning and then we were going to play volleyball in the afternoon. We did not realize what the school thing was til we got there and realized it was a project done by one of the princes of Swaziland with a school from england. So the leader of the school from England invited us to go to a presentation at 12:30 to get to meet a bunch of the princes and princesses from Swaziland. So we hurried and canceled our volleyball game and went to this presentation. We got to meet quite a few of the royal family. One fun meeting was Princess Pashu. She is going to College at Biola in California and she is a strong Christian. It was fun just chatting with her about what we were doing and about life. So I woke up planning on playing volleyball and ended up meeting my first Princess.

Well that sure was fun.

Swaziland update

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Things have been moving along great. Our team along with Lego from the June racers have been working hard at setting up the Carepoints. We have mainly been focusing on two Carepoints we have named field of dreams and school house. Field of dreams or Mubtfu which is the community where it is located we have been doing childrens programs in the morning and teen programs in the afternoon. We are in the process of moving the property a little ways down the road to a location owned by one of the Swazi Businessman we have been working with. This will allow us to build up the mercy home and the dream with the vegetable garden and fish ponds. The Swazi Businessman here are really excited about the work that we have been doing and are giving Gary and the G42 project the green light to getting the plans ready so they can start building.

It has been amazing to see the work that Troy who works with Nisela Farms has been doing. He is an amazing net-worker and go getter. The second we tell him a need he is already two steps ahead of us. It will be exciting to see how this all starts to take shape.

On the other side of things we are actually living quite a few miles away from where all the carepoints are in another community called Nsubane. One night we went out for a walk and were stopped by three men who all asked us the same thing. Why are you here? Are you here to preach the gospel? Every day we see you leaving but you never share with us. So this really burdened my heart to start something here. So please pray for us as we try and set up places to preach the gospel here in our community.

On another thing on that same night that we were walking we ran into another guy who asked if we were there to help with small businessman. We said we were there to help everyone. He went on to tell us about this project that was started in 2004 with the peace corp. They had built a small garden project that would employ 9 ladies and the guy we met. And they all have small shops in the local market where they will sale their produce from the garden. There is just one small problem. The location where they live is always affected by drought which means there is no water to use for the produce. So the Peace Corp came in and got them a gift from the Rotary club for $20,000 dollars American to buy the pumps water tanks a little shed to hold the controls and the pipes for irrigation. The only problem is that the cable that they needed to go from the power pole to the shed to power the pumps was not long enough. We went to see the property and it is amazing there is brand new pumps and pipes and tanks that have been sitting there for 3 years waiting for a 70 foot electrical cable. So we are working on getting that set up. It is just amazing to me how crazy stuff like that is.

One thing that has also been hitting me is something Gary said. He came for a visit last week and talked to us about how we are the answer to peoples prayers and how some of these ladies at the carepoints have been praying for someone to come help them. Or this guy with the garden that has been praying for years that someone will come and get him a cable so their community can have produce to eat. God needs people everywhere all over the place to be the answers to the prayers of people all around you. So today try and be an answer to a prayer where you live. Ask the Lord to show you someone praying for some food. Or to show you someone praying for some money to buy clothes or a warm blanket to keep them warm. I guess it is summer there so probably not a big need right now but you get the point.

We also got the opportunity to go for a hike with one of the older kids who lives by Mubtfu Carepoint. His name is Jabulane. He took us over to the mountains that we live by and then we climbed up to South Africa on the top and saw a little cave. It was a fun adventure but we figured that we walked close to 15 miles and up a mountain so we were definitely tired. But we also found out that Jabulane's school is on top of the mountain and so he has to climb that once a week to just go to high school.

Africa is not a hopeless life but it definitely has its challenges. When we were talking to Elmon from the garden project he kept saying this life is hard and there is nothing I can say but to agree. There is no water except what you walk sometimes miles to get in a bucket that you carry on your head. Jobs are almost non existent. Walking for miles up a mountain just to go to school; all these things really puts in to perspective so many things we take for granted. Even cooking over a fire every meal, we have learned how much convenience we get out of a simple stove back in America as we have been cooking over a fire here.

Video - One way to pull a boat in Mozambique

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Video- The Great Adventure Part 3 Canopy Ziplining

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Video - Muffin Contest Andrew vs. Talia

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Chronicles of a Confused Racer Part 2

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We have been out at the carepoints, or Orphanages for about a week. I would have to say that my attitude has not been 100% it is hard feeling the burden of all that needs to be done and trying to see the possibilities and not all the problems. Before we left Gary told us that he needed us to be the Joshua and Calebs. The people that would go and scout out the area and come back with good reports. To come back with the answers to how to accomplish the goals. I am now starting to come around and see the possibilities. But it has been hard and confusing. I want to be positive about what is going on, but it is hard when it seems that everything around us is falling apart. I guess that is where it comes down to trusting in God. It comes down to trusting that God is in control and will work the stuff out. I don't like to just throw a christian answer out there and act like it will all work out, but in all honesty I don't know what else to think. There is nothing in the world that can save this country but God himself. But I think that is what makes it so confusing. There is no logical answer. There is no cure for aids that is wiping out the country. And so what does one do about that. I DON'T KNOW. I love answers. I love finding solutions to what is going on. And it is hard to trust that anything good will happen when everything in the physical sense is saying the opposite.

We have moved back to the orphanage carepoints I talked about in the last blog. It is in Southern Swaziland near the South African border.

A little more about Swaziland and what we are doing. Swaziland is getting absolutly ravished by the Aids epidemic. The statistics say that around 40% of the population has aids some figures are higher some are lower. A lot of that has to do with poor education regarding aids and also cultural beliefs. Such as polygamy. There is also a belief here taught by some of the witch doctors who are highly prevelant here, that if someone who has aids has sex with a virgin then they will be cured of aids. It is absolutly ridicolous and saddening to think of the bondage and lies the people here live in. There are 60,000 orphans in the country right now and that number is thought to grow considerably in the next few years as more and more people die of aids. The rest of the country just simply doesn't have food. There really is no work to have and there is a severe drought which means people can't even grow subsistance crops. Childrens Hopechest an organization we are partnering with went out and found this family living in a little stick hut who hadn't eaten anything but grass for two months. They have since gotten them some food and our group helped to build them a stick, rock and mud hut. Which we will be finishing sometime this week. It is almost unreal to consider what is going on here. And to know that this family is not unique but there are thousands all over the place without food or shelter. My mind simply can not fathom that a majority of the people I see and meet will be dead in the next 5 to 10 years. Leaving thousands of kids to fend for themselves.

The vision we are working with right now is trying to set up mercy homes for these orphans. Mercy home consist of one or two parents and around 8 kids living in a home. They are also working on making substanable incomes such as vegetable gardens and fish ponds. We are right now working with carepoints that are already developed. They feed any where from 25 to 95 kids each day. We are working on getting them water where right now some of them have to walk a mile or two to a river to get water. And we are working on getting them sponsored to make sure they have enough food. Right now they are getting food from the government once a month, but that is not guaranteed. But things are starting to move in the right direction and we are planning to start building fences to protect the water tanks this week. As well as getting the teachers from the second carepoint which we have named School house due to an amazing retired teacher who works there and is teaching the children to train the ladies from the other carepoints. The other names we have come up with is Field of dreams for the first one and opportunity house for the third one. We are in the process of moving the fourth one to the third one as they are close enough so we can get more work done on them.

We are living at a beautiful spot outside of town. There is nothing there but a bathroom in an office and we are cooking everything with a big pot over a fire which has been a challenge in itself. But the area is very beautiful it is all thorny bushes over african plains with a large mountain range behind us that stretches all along the south african border. We get to see the most amazing orange sunsets over the African Plains. So it has been very peaceful a little oasis away from the harsh realties that surround us day after day.

Chronicles of a Confused Racer Part 1

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We stepped out of the van and were immediately bombarded with thoughts of unbelief. Our surroundings were a chain link fenced building with a small fire and a small pot cooking something over it. As we begin to find out from our contact that we were dealing with. He told us that there were around 95 kids some of which haven't eaten in weeks. The go-go's as they are called are grandma's that cook for the kids. They said they get a shipment of food once a month, Sometimes. There were kids running around and playing with us. We left there and went to 3 more places some better with actual schools in place and people being fed. There were others where they would be alright if they could get water, which is a whole other issue. We left there and Gary asked what I was feeling and I said Discouraged. The vision that Gary has is awesome. He has teamed up with some local Swazi businessman that have money and are willing to help finance some mercy homes and schools and anything else we find needs for. But the immediate circumstances are hard and almost hopeless. It isn't a game. It isn't just some fun mission trip, this is real life and people are dying and starving.

The hard part for me was I guess actually grasping that this thing exists. I got back and my team wanted to know what I was feeling. What I had seen and was it something we could go and do as a team. To be honest I think I said everything I could to discourage my team from going and doing this. I told them it would be hard and nothing was set up and we might not accomplish anything. And despite everything I said they all wanted to go.

I was still distressed over the whole issue, because I was scared of what it might cost. If I go here and see that there are people starving can I live my life in the same way. Can I still buy junk I don't need, but want. Is it ok to eat a candy bar when I know that kid I played with earlier hasn't eaten in a week and may not eat for a couple more. Is it ok to sleep in a sleeping bag in a tent on a pad when there are kids sleeping on dirt with nothing. All these questions ring through my head. I know it is shallow but the point is much deeper. For so long I have just been able to ignore it. As not to be mean or judge mental, but so many people do. It is just easier to worry about my needs and wants then that there really are hurting people that simple just want to eat.

Despite my hesitations and desires not to go. I and the team really feel the Lord calling us out to this place and in all honesty I don't know what to expect. It is going to change my perspectives on a lot of things. So please prayer for my team and I as we go into this much needed place of ministry.

Chronicles of a Reunited Racer!

Fri, 1 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Well I am back in Swaziland, but this time it is a little different. The same house that once made me feel so lonesome is now on the verge of making me crazy well not really, but it is full of a lot of people only to have more people come in the next couple of days. But I have to admit it is a nice change.

I arrived in Mozambique last wednesday. My family AKA team Salt picked me up at the airport along with Clinton. It was a bittersweet reunion. I was more than happy to see my team, but I soon realized that we were short a member. Amanda Millington had gone home. I had missed her by hours on both ends, she left in the morning to fly into South Africa and I left in the afternoon to fly into Mozambique so I never got to say goodbye. It was hard knowing our team would not be the same.

Our team was staying at a Resort on the beach that was destroyed by the cyclone so we were just camping there trying to find ministry as contact after contact fell through. So most days were spent waiting for someone to call back or to come pick us up to take us to a meeting. We finally got hooked up with a missionary and his family who got us in contact with a church out in the bush of Mozambique. They call it the bush because that is what it is a giant bush for hundreds of miles there is nothing but bushes and trees all down a really bumpy 4 hour dirt road.

The church we were working with was called the Zion Christian Church. Our contact Jaco was really excited because they had been trying for a long time to be able to work with this church. I don't know much about it and there are I am sure many different beliefs involved, but some of the churches have not gotten rid of all of their pagan rituals and so it is a mix betweent cultural beliefs and Christianity.

We arrived to the whole church greeting us and singing. We had a little church service. Our plan was to do 2 services on tuesday and then three on wednesday. They went really good. We went through the whole bible from Creation to the law to Jesus and how Jesus fulfilled the law with his death and Resurection. Followed with the gospel message. It was a really amazing experience. One morning we woke up to a women with a demon coming to get pray at our campfire. She had been involved with witch doctors numerous times and would get delivered but then go right back. We prayed for a lot of sick people also.

It was also just an amazing time to be together with my team and to laugh and share our lives together.

I guess sometimes it takes a lonesome racer some time alone to once again become reunited and find out his true home...

Thanks for everyones prayers and support.

Chronicles of a Lonesome Racer Pt 3

Mon, 21 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Hello everyone, Well I am still here in Swaziland as it turned out they are willing to let me go to Mozambique but the original plan was to fly me up there and the airline stopped flying up there because of the tornado that came through and they feel the bus is to dangerous. So in Swazi I will stay.

I just wanted to clarify more of what is going on because I think there might be some confusion. Which would more likely be my fault since I am the one explaining it. A lot of that had to do with me not really understanding everything and trying to make sense of it in my own head while transfering that to all of you. And also partly to do with me lying to myself and not thinking the problem was what it really was. So here is where I am at in the moment. This weekend I spent pretty much alone fasting and praying and reading the Bible. One day I was out for a walk and I had been praying and I asked the Lord why Aim brought me to Swazi and the Lord answered me and said they didn't bring you here I did. And over the course of the weekend the Lord began to show me how all authority that is in my life is God's authority. And as I began to unravel this mystery I began to see the whole time I was fighting God and not people.

First of all the selfishness and pride is I think a huge huge part of the problem and with that comes into play a problem that stems off of that and has been plagueing me pretty much my whole life.

For a better part of my life I have had the same struggles, getting into relationships with girls when I am not suppose to in ministry. It happened when I was in Youth with a Mission in New Zealand. It happened when I was with Friendships in Louisiana. And it happened when I was with Global Frontier Missions in Mexico. Coming into the race I knew that this would be a struggle. I know the devil uses it everytime I want to get closer to God, satan uses this to trip me up. The thing that frustrates me is I know it. But it is all so subtle. And each time it is different and each time I think that I can be strong or whatever. So I find myself in somewhat the same boat as before a little different this time, but pretty close to the same. The difference this time is I have been extra guarded against it and for the most part have kept my heart guarded and remained pure in terms of romantic involvement. And just to clarify I have never done anything that I would not be able to look leadership in the eye about. In fact it has been nothing more than a friendship with the best intentions. The problem is that even friendships in ministry can become harmful. The way this happens is through building ties emotionally with people that should not be formed. And what happens is my mind and my focus get shifted. I kept thinking that as long as I was mainting it only as a friendship no one was getting hurt. But I failed to realize that my focus began to be solely on her. I was still able to do ministry, but it was not the same. And as my team began to notice me withdrawing they began to resent me. I began to resent them because I honestly felt like I was doing nothing wrong. Looking back now I see how it not only affected my small team but the whole team as a whole was affected. It stinks knowing that I was being used by satan to pull the team apart.

I realized also that at this time I felt that the friendship was at a critical stage either it gets taken care of and healthy boundaries and such are implented and put in place or it would have exploded and who knows the outcome. I thank God that he pulled me out when he did. I thank God that he has authority in place that will hear the voice of the Lord speaking and respond. I also thank God that the authority he has placed before me has had the grace to give me more chances then I deserve.

I had the chance to visit with someone that was in the same situtation recently in another ministry and to here him talk and use all the same excuses I did really hit me. I honestly thought my head was above water. I thought that it was only a healthy friendship not causing any problems. But I now see it was beginning to become unhealthy and it needed to be brought into perspective.

So here I sit in Swazi not because Aim is punishing me although in a way they are and not because I did some horrible unforgivable thing. It is because God brought me here. And he used circumstances and the authority in my life to do it. I realize that when I was getting mad at my leaders for what they said or what they did. It wasn't them I was mad at it was God. God puts authority in our life to keep us on the right path. He puts them there to direct us and keep us from falling. I for whatever reason failed to see that and I just got more and more mad at the people around me when it was only God that I should of been mad at.

Gary has done a good job over the past week of not really sharing a whole lot with me. We have talked some and that has been really good, but for the most part he has left me alone with God in my big house. And when God speaks it is always a good thing. It is amazing to me how blind or just plain stupid I had been. I look back over the last couple of months and wonder who I was. I look back over my life sometimes and wonder who I was.

It is the things we fear the most that make us who we are. When I started this race when the team was in Palenque, Mexico I stood up and I told the group that I was scared I was going to fall again. I can't fall again I told Everyone. The World Race is not just another ministry to me. This is my life. It is a symbol to me of whether or not I can make it in life. Leaving the world race is not just leaving another ministry. It is much deeper than that. Coming into the worldrace I came in wanting to see if I could do it. Me finishing the world race is saying I can make it in life. That I am not going to let satan have his way in my life anymore. I am not going to fail again. I honestly sometimes don't know if I could continue on in ministry if I can't get through this year. I don't know how I could ask anyone to support me when I all do is fall. It is really hard knowing that I've screwed up so many times. I know people still support me besides all that. But that doesn't make it any easier looking back on my own life and trying to sort through all the messed up pieces.

It isn't that my heart isn't right. I love missions there is nothing else I want to do. Whenever I meet someone and they ask me what I want to do when the race is over. I always tell them the same thing. I want to keep racing, I want to keep loving and doing missions. It is the same struggles we all face. The problems of sin in all our lives that keep us from being the people of God that He wants us to be. It is different for all of us. Mine just happens to be exemplified in a huge way and I am Ok with that. People that are missionaries are not somehow more spirtitual. Or somehow we are exempt from the same struggles with sin as anyone else is.

I know God has called me to missions, I know God has destined me for ministry. I have had it profesied over my life and it is in my heart. Maybe that is why it is so hard for me. I am not going to blame satan for making me fall. I know that we are not tempted beyond what we can handle. Looking back I know the exact moments of whether I would chose death or life. In each situation before I chose death. I want to chose life this time. I want to see what God has for me, for my team, for this world.

I hope that helps everyone understand more of what is going on. Thank you for your prayers and support through all of this they mean alot to me. Please continue to stand beside me. I love you all.

Time to move on!

Mon, 21 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

The Lonesome racer Chronicles have come to an end. I am getting on a bus tommorrow which will be tuesday to head back to South Africa and then I will catch a plane up to Mozambique to be with the rest of my team. I am blessed beyond measure to have this opportunity and thank my team for offering to pay for the ticket. It is amazing how huge grace is. It is amazing how even when we screw up people still offer us love and even more so with God.

I will not take what I have learned this past week for granted nor take the grace that has been bestowed upon me. Thanks again for all your support on this.

Chronicles of a Lonesome Racer Pt 2

Wed, 16 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

These past few days have been some of the most challenging in my life. For a couple of reasons. One being I don't know what my future holds. I know I have made selfish desicions that could have the consequences of me getting sent home. I will not try and blame anyone else for where I am at. For a long time I tried to. But last night Gary had me give his family and some friends a little sermon on what it means to be humble and to serve and sacrifice. In the process of reading the bible and praying over that I really felt the lord teaching me a lot and breaking my spirit. I learned that Pride or being selfish is a silent killer.

I learned that either with the help of God I can eat away at pride or pride will simply eat me!!

For so long I would always say ya I have a bad attitude BUT, that was my favorite word I always had an excuse. And you know probably a lot of the times I was right. Sometimes I was innocent I was wronged. I was falsely accused, but so what. Does it really matter what anyone else did or said. NO. The fact is that I am selfish and I do have a bad attitude sometimes and I do make selfish choices that affect more people than just me.

Phillipians 2:3 says "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conciet, but consider others better than yourselves. Look not for your own interests but to the interests of others. Over the past month or so I have lost sight of that. I lost sight of what it means to put others first and to walk in humility. I did a pretty good job at putting my needs first and justifing them all the way to being alone in Swaziland. I learned that Pride will make you justified, but there won't be anyone around when you finally have all the justification you ever wanted. Because in the process of being right I ended up pushing everyone else away.

I also learned that I have no rights. I thought for a lot of this race that I did. I thought it is my right to go and have a free day to do what I want with. Or to go and hang out with a friend even though I know it will make everyone else around me upset. I could justify all of it and rightly so, but you know what this year is not about me and to often I forget that. Phillipians goes on to say that Christ humbled himself and became a servant even unto death. Jesus's right was to be a servant unto death, what other right could I have above that. Romans 3:23 says for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and romans 6:23 says the penalty for that sin is death. That is what I deserve, death. But by God's grace he has saved me from that. To be a servant to those around me and to love them.

I will not pretend like it is going to be an easy road, but life never is. It is never easy to love everyone around you. Or to serve them first or to sacrifice what I want to do to make those around me happy. But I also know that it is the only way. I came on this race to change to become the man of God that I know God wants me to be. I lost sight of that. I lost sight of what is important. I wish I would have made other choices and that I was with my team in Mozambique. My heart aches as I sit here and write this.

Please let my life be a lesson to you all. Don't miss the important thing of being humble as Christ is humble. Don't miss the point that we are all to serve those around us. To learn to put the desires and wants of those around us before our own. To walk in the opposite spirit of what we feel. There is always that choice that presents itself over and over again. Is about me or about them. With the help of God hopefully we can all learn to walk in the right one. I love you all and thanks for supporting me through this. It isn't easy admitting I've got problems, but I also know that they are my problems and not anyone elses. Please continue to pray for me that God would continually change my heart.

Chronicles of a Lonesome Racer pt 1

Sun, 13 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Last night I arrived into Swaziland, one of the only Kingdoms left in the world which is pretty fascinating in its own right. I drove in with Collin and Kathy two seasoned missionaries who have been in Botwana for a long time, but are now going to be running a mission base for Aim for all of Africa here in Swazi. We moved a lot of their belongings up from South Africa into a large guest house that Aim has for an intern house. They are now gone.

I am now alone in a huge guest house and I mean huge. It has two stories and 5 or 6 huge rooms. It is amazing how lonesome I have been for my team. I sit in my big room or in the giant double person bathtub. I heard some of the team members saying how all they wanted was to get away from everyone and just have some time alone. I would have to say that I may have even been one of them. And now I am sitting here thinking through the choices that led me to this point. Was it worth it? Heck no it wasn't worth it. This stinks. MY team is in Mozambique doing ministry. But I know I need this time, maybe that is why it is so hard. I know I need to change, I know I need this time to grow. But I guess I started to see today the beauty that is in my team and those that have been around me for so long. I understand now how much I took all that for granted. We all have choices everyday to love those around us or to be selfish and only think of ourselves. I realized today that being selfish and only thinking of ourselves, will sometimes leave us with just ourselves. STuck in a huge guest house all alone staring at a blank wall. I really want to start thinking of others, because others is what makes this life fun and interesting. Sure people will come and bug you, but at least they are there.

I guess what I am trying to say is Teams or families are put in our life for a reason, but it is up to us to cherish them. I guess maybe that is all it takes to help some one want to love those around us is to take those away.

I miss you team.

Andrew

Where is everybody?

Thu, 10 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Well when i arose this morning from a deep slumber. I realized at 7 aclock when I woke up that all my team was gone. All their belongings were gone and in fact all the world racers were on their way out of South Africa, minus something, ME! It was a little hard this morning knowing that my family that I have come to spend my life with for the past 4 months are now gone. And that I was left alone. They are all on a long and I mean long bus ride to Mozambique while I will be traveling to Swaziland where I will have a little check up with Gary Black a World race leader who is stationed there. So why am I going there I am sure all of you are asking.

So I guess it is only fair that I tell you. Basically I sometimes have a really bad attitude and don't like to do things that I don't like to do. Now not all the time, but enough of the time that I really make people angry at me. I guess in a way I do things that make people mad. And I have not been a very good team player. I am not going to try and make excuses that I am being treated unfairly because I am more than likely not. I think of myself probably way more than I should and don't think of those close to me as much as I should. I do love the world race though and would hate to have to leave. I think this experience has grown me so much and I can only hope that I will get to continue on to the end and see what God has in store. I am really excited about this opportunity to step back for awhile and have someone speak into my life. I want to change. I want to love people with the love of Christ. I want to not always think of me. I want to love my team and serve them, but it is not easy. Please pray for me as I have this time apart from the race to really focus in on what God has for me. And that I would be open to all God wants to speak to me. I love you all. Thanks for your support.

Race Day Johannesburg, South Africa

Tue, 8 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We have arrived in South Africa via london stopover for 12 hours which was pretty fun. We got to see most of the sights and see what London was like.

Race Day found us leaving our base and getting a ride to Pretoria the capital city. We all got dropped off at a large monument and were given our first clue. We had to get a sentence translated from Afrikaans to English. The translation told us to go to the union building which was quite a ways down the street. We took off running and ended up running all the way there which was a long ways. We got our next clue which said we had to go to the Johannesburg zoo via the train. We got to the train station in third place but all the teams ended up on the same train. We arrived in Johannesburg and went to find a van to take us to the zoo. We got stopped by the police who asked if we were trying to get robbed and killed, as Johannesburg is the most dangerous city in the world. We told him no and he escorted us to the place to get our vehicle.

We got to the zoo and had to take a picture with the 5 big animals of Africa. The lion, elephant, rhino, buffalo and leopard. We then had to find a monument and get a picture with that before racing out to a restaraunt about a mile away. At the restaraunt we had to order and eat a typical african plate while getting our face painted.

We then had to run out and try and find transportation to the Apartheid Museum which was very interesting to walk through and told a lot about the conflict that has been going on in South Africa for a lot of years. We then had to catch a ride a tall building that I can't remember the name of. We were right next to an amusment park and we saw this young couple coming out of the parking lot so we asked them for a ride. They were more than happy to take us. So we rode in style to the skyscraper listening to beach boys blasting in the speakers. We finally arrived at the building and rode the elevator to the top floor where there was an observatory and we came in second place behind the yetis.

We are now waiting for our visas to come through for Mozambique and then we will be heading there. We are going to a town on the indian ocean that was hit by tornadoes. WE will be doing some relief and rebuilding work. We may not have internet for awhile, but will give you an update as soon as I can.

From one Extreme to another!!

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT

We have arrived in Buenos Aires and been here for a couple of days. I am sorry I have no more pictures of Peru. My bag carrying my camera, mp3 player, bible, journal with a story I had been writing for the whole month of peru and finally finished, but never read it, sandals, hat, and clothes. Got taken while we were out to eat and so I lost all my pictures from the trip thus far. But I got a new camera now so I there will be more fun times with pics and hopefully some videos.

We finished up in Peru and I loved it there, I was sad to see it go, but will never forget the things I learned there. I would have to say the biggest thing that I learned there was to just live my life, because most of the time when the best ministry happened when I wasn't even trying to do ministry. We met a guy in a Taxi who ended up invited us over to his house and coming back to God. There was one night I was talking to a little old lady who had a stand in a park and I invited her to a service in the park that night and she went forward and accepted the Lord there was time after time that I got to see God just move in so many different ways just through my life.

Buenos Aires is like a breath of fresh air, we live in this amazing neighborhood with tree lined streets, It is fall here so the leaves are falling off the trees and the temperature is absolutely breathtaking every day. It is a hard contrast from the sandy streets of Lima.

We spent last week in Cusco Peru where we had some training and team debrief time, as well as some fun times. We got to go four wheeling through the mountains as well as see the breathtaking sights of Macchu Picchu. The surroundings of Macchu Picchu are by far the most spectacular thing I have ever seen in my life. The ruins sit atop a hill that is surrounded on each side by deep lush valleys. The mountains on each side shoot straight up into the sky and clouds. I had to steal these pics, but I wanted you to see what I am talking about.

We arrived in Buenos Aires and we are working with an old friend of mine I did not know very well through college. We had hung out a little bit way while she was in college in Florida, but she is a teacher now in Buenos Aires at a Christian school. I found her on Myspace and saw that she was stationed in Buenos Aires. It worked out that we could come and stay with her and it has been a blast being here. She has been such a great hostess and it has been fun reconnecting with her. We did an assembly at the school on Friday and tommorrow we are going to go and work at getting things straightened since they have just obtained a new building for the school.

The girls have been staying with Mariah at the church which has a very nice setup. And James and I are staying in a house with a family from the church. We have been very blessed by them as we each have our own room and bathroom, mine happens to be all pink and filled with stuffed animals. And we even have a lovely pool out back. The family Frank and Rosa and their son Ricky have been more than gracious towards us.

Today, Sunday we were treated like royalty from a couple in the church. We got to get a real taste of home and American lifestyle. Earl and Marj a couple from Virginia who are stationed in Argentina for his work with Exxon/mobil invited our team as well as all the single people from the church over for a good home cooked meal. So about 15 of us stumbled into their house where we were greated with all the comforts of home. Mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni and cheese, green beans, barbequed chicken, corn bread, beef, chicken salad and to top it off sweet tea and apple pie. It felt like thanksgiving and we were all definitly thankful. It was just fun to be with a group of Americans that were not part of our group. The majority of the people there are missionaries at the school where Mariah works.

We are leaving here on Tuesday, we are flying up to London where we will have a 12 hour layover before heading down to South Africa. Not sure what country we are going to next, but will let you all know soon.